We’ve all heard the phrase, “it takes a village,” but as Black women, that truth often hits deeper. We are powerful, yes. Resilient, absolutely. But we are not meant to carry it all alone. And yet, so many of us do.
Whether you’re climbing career ladders, raising babies, healing from trauma, chasing dreams, or simply surviving day to day — a circle of support isn’t just a luxury; it’s a necessity. The kind of circle that holds space for your truth, checks on your spirit, claps for your wins, and holds your hand through the lows.
So how do you build one? Here’s a guide to creating a support system that actually supports you.
1. Start With Self-Awareness
Before you build your circle, get clear on what you truly need. Ask yourself:
- Where in my life do I feel most alone?
- Do I need emotional support, practical help, mentorship—or all of the above?
- What kind of energy am I craving more of?
Being honest with yourself is the first step to attracting people who align with your needs, not just your habits.
2. Identify the Gaps in Your Current Network
Look around. You might already have pieces of your circle — a cousin who gives amazing advice, a coworker who always checks in, a friend you laugh with but never go deep with. Now, assess:
- Who lifts me up consistently?
- Who drains or minimizes me?
- Who do I need to set boundaries with?
Let go of the idea that every friend must be everything. Your mentor may not be your party buddy. Your workout partner might not be the one you call at 2 a.m. That’s okay.
3. Be Intentional About Who You Let In
Protect your peace by curating wisely. Seek people who:
- Respect your boundaries
- Challenge you in love, not judgment
- Show up when it’s inconvenient
- Can sit in silence and in joy with you
- Believe in your growth, not just your potential
This could include:
- A therapist
- A spiritual advisor or prayer partner
- A best friend or sister-friend
- A mentor in your career or passion
- A wellness buddy (workout, meal prep, etc.)
- A group chat of like-minded Black women (the virtual village is real!)
4. Speak Your Needs Out Loud
Your people can’t support you if you never say what you need. Let go of the “I’m fine” default and practice saying:
- “I need someone to just listen, not fix.”
- “Can you help me think through this?”
- “Can you check in with me this week?”
- “I’m struggling, but I don’t want to isolate.”
Vulnerability is not weakness — it’s an invitation for real connection.
5. Invest In the Circle You’re Building
Support is not one-sided. Ask yourself how you’re showing up for others, too:
- Are you listening without judgment?
- Are you offering help, not just advice?
- Are you making time for meaningful connection?
Pour into others in the same way you want to be poured into — but not at the expense of your own well-being. Balance is key.
6. Give Yourself Permission to Outgrow Relationships
Sometimes the hardest part of building your circle is clearing space for it. That means releasing relationships that:
- Only call when they need something
- Don’t honor your boundaries
- Minimize your voice or success
- Make you feel small, guilty, or drained
You’re allowed to evolve. Not everyone can go with you. And that’s okay.
7. Affirm the Circle You’re Creating
Speak life into your support system. Let your people know they matter. Celebrate small moments, send love notes, check in “just because.” Your village thrives on mutual appreciation and presence.
Because Black women deserve community that holds us without hurting us, challenges us without breaking us, and shows up without being asked twice.
You Deserve Safe, Soft Places
This world often expects Black women to be the strong ones, the providers, the fixers, the glue. But here’s the truth:
You deserve to rest. To be held. To be poured into. To be supported without condition.
So build your circle with intention. Let it grow and change. Let it reflect the fullness of who you are and where you’re going.
Because yes, you’re powerful. But you’re not meant to do this alone.
Looking for your circle? Share this article and start the conversation. Tag a sister you can lean on. #MySupportCircle
Written by Sharon Carter
